Day 22: Someone I Wish I Could Give a Second Chance to

This is an awkward prompt. I feel like if I wanted to give someone a second chance, I would. And the fact that the word “could” is included in that prompt. What exactly would hold me back from giving them a second chance? Someone would have to have grossly transgressed against me to make me think about not giving them a second chance.

There was a girl who I gave a second chance to. However, after that, I was done. I just couldn’t. It was clear that it wasn’t working anymore. I’ll put her rants up here:

i know you will prolly block me after i send this so i thought i would say this in reponce to what u wrote! u proved to me how wrong i was your not a perfect person you just proved how much of an asshole u are. i really did care about you as a person because i thought u were different but your an immature junior boy who is way to into himself and nothing else!

yes you tried to help u get points for that but the biggest thing that never got into ur head is that i am not u i may be going thru the same thing but i wont get out of it the same way because i am not u! this is going to sound hella rude and i dont care but i am happy we are ending it there are so many times u made me feel worse then i was feeling by u just trying to help!! i mean i am happy u no longer going to be in my life! umm i think u partly dragged me down !!

oh and btw i am actually working on my self esteem and confidence i was going to tell u this last night till u turned into a drama queen! but whatever i am not upset i am just being honest with what i think of u as u were with me! and really u need to work on telling people ur feelings sooner so it dose not turn into a drama mess u should learn that i mean this is the 2 goddam time! i regret ever trusting u with anything and i regret ever talking to u! i thought you were a different person then all the other boys in high school but your just as much of an asshole as the rest of them! Goodbye!!!!!!!!

Then she has the audacity to type me another novel to blast me some more:

oh and your niceness is so fake i can see past it now! i see why your friends with a bunch of assholes its because your one of them!! one day you will realize that there is a lot more to life then being a asshole and only caring about yourself and wrestling there was so much i could have said about that but i held back because i did not wanna piss u off!and i still wont say what i think about wresteling.

like idk why ur so chicken to be honest about ur feelings ur such a drama boy but ur also a jerk!! i dont care u dont wanna be friends ur one of the worst friends i have ever had u tryed but u failed and i know this sounds mad but u made me angry but happy at the same time! i am not giving a fuck that were not friends anymore and i dont mean to come off as rude this is the truth! we did not work and all tho i say all this mean stuff i still have the heart to say i wish you the best in life with wereever it may take u! okay bye now!!!!!!!!

The communication here, as you can see, was non-existent. I received these messages after having left to eat for 15 minutes. You could imagine how surprised I was to return to my Facebook inbox for that one. No third chance was given. After that, I cut ties with a ruthlessness that was surprisingly out of character, though I do not regret what I have done in dealing with this situation. Her emotional instability wasn’t something that I could handle myself.

There are just some things that you can’t do.


“…Knowing who…

“…Knowing who I actually am is the key to reach perfection… Because that means knowing what I can and cannot do.”
“That’s what a loser would say. Isn’t acknowledging what you can’t do the same as giving up?”
“No. It means… to forgive yourself for what you aren’t able to do.”

An exchange between Itachi and Kabuto during their fight. Definitely a good take on the moral of knowing your limits.

Reflections Part 3: Self-Hatred Arc

It didn’t stop with my heart though. My self-hatred decided to manifest itself within everything I did. In the sixth grade, I started wrestling. This decision to join the team seemed like some kind of divine calling I had or something, when I thought about it; you get a kid who hardly knew that the sport existed and who didn’t even know what it was, and he wants to wrestle. Huh. The sport was good for me; it got me into shape and it was something new I was trying out. I really liked it. My self-hatred didn’t have much of a voice when I wrestled, either. Until high school came around that is, where my hatred then bled into what I loved to do. I ended up feeling worthless in one of the things I felt like I was best at. Horrible didn’t describe the feeling.

Sophomore year, my self-esteem was probably at one of its lowest points since the fifth grade. I was shamed by my defeats at the hands of teammates who took the varsity spot from me. The worst part was when people asked me how I did in league and in North Coast Section. “How come you’re not on the wall?” they would ask. The wall was the place for our league champs, where they’d have their picture join the legacy of the Albany High wrestling program. Every time the question was popped, my hatred thrived. The hatred was king, reigning over my mind and heart, where it gripped all of my ambitions with an iron fist. It loved to control me, placing doubts when it can so that I would never stage a coup. So how did I stage my coup, if this self-hatred was so strong? Why, I got some help. I only had to look.