Day 30 (FINALLY) : My Reflection in the Mirror

Sorry for the uber super late post. I procrastinated really hard. I actually liked this blog challenge, despite some shortcomings in a few of the prompts. It was a new way to stretch me out as a writer. I also like the idea of me ending this challenge on a Sunday.

A reflection in the mirror. In a literal sense I’m just a slightly sunburned white teen with a slim and fit appearance. Clothes are usually just T-shirt and jeans, no need for me to go more. Beyond physical appearance, I can see myself as a person with a good life. Nothing too extraordinary in terms of hardships or accomplishments, but I have my reasons to be glad and not sad about what I have.

Introspection is harder than seeing from the outside. I know myself and I don’t. Others will notice things about me that I don’t. An outside perspective can reveal a lot of things, but it will never reveal what’s inside another person’s heart. Only I will know what’s really inside my heart, even if I tell another person about how I feel.

A mirror is the main place for introspection. You can look yourself in the eyes and know who you are. You get to have that outside perspective for yourself. I often look at myself and know how far I’ve came. Sometimes I still think about the seventh grader that couldn’t do a pull up. Now I can row 210 pounds on the machine five times in a set.

What do you see in the mirror?

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Day 25: The Person Going Through the Worst of Times

Oops, late post. To be honest I’ve been enjoying some seriously epic animation yesterday… I was waiting for this particular Naruto episode for a while… guess I gotta buy a self-flagellation machine for my missed post… ANYWAY.

This year is really weird in that a majority of my friends have gone through or are currently going through tough times this year. Most of my problems are really my friends’ problems; I’m probably one of the most stable kids you’d ever meet. I have my moments sometimes though.

I’d have to say that the people going through the toughest stuff are my besties Joe and Nini. Their family went through some serious dysfunction, like I don’t even know what the hell is going on most of the time. Nini usually claims that things are fine, but honestly I can only believe her on that for around 70% of the time, which is way too low of a percentage for my tastes. Joe pretty much ragequit on the whole thing and left… and maybe I would too if I were him.

It’s not my business to get into much more of this, especially since 1) I haven’t been there and don’t know what truly happened and 2) it’s not even resolved yet and 3) it’s their business, and I’ll keep it that way.

Honestly, you always have to keep your life in perspective: someone always has it worse than you.

Day 24: The Person That Gave You Your Favorite Memory

Normally I don’t believe in wishing for anything. It seems un-proactive. If you desire something, I believe that you should pursue it. Despite this bravado, I had one anyway: to hang out with Lauren before she graduated. It was on my birthday too.

It was a good day too. Nothing fancy, we just hung out during lunch and talked. But I got what I wanted. And the necklace she gave me… I still wear it every day. I only take it off if I’m going to wrestle, swim, or shower. I get all kinds of freaked out if I think that I’ve lost it or something. I even saw it bent out of shape a little bit and flipped. I bent it back in place, and after being satisfied that it won’t bend out again, I finally relaxed.

My 17th birthday is still my favorite one. And all because a friend decided to hang out with me. Who could’ve thought.

Day 23: The Person That I Last Kissed

Well that’s awkward, haven’t had my first kiss yet, soooooooo…

Maybe I should rant about being a kiss virgin? Sorry to deprive you of angsty writing, but I don’t really care about being one. It doesn’t really matter to me. One of my friends said to me, “You don’t want to be a kiss virgin when you get into college.” Excuse me? Does it really matter to anyone? Seriously though, I wouldn’t want to just kiss a chick for the sake of not being a kiss virgin.

Everybody wants a kiss from that special someone…

I just happen to be a later bloomer, that’s all.

Day 22: Someone I Wish I Could Give a Second Chance to

This is an awkward prompt. I feel like if I wanted to give someone a second chance, I would. And the fact that the word “could” is included in that prompt. What exactly would hold me back from giving them a second chance? Someone would have to have grossly transgressed against me to make me think about not giving them a second chance.

There was a girl who I gave a second chance to. However, after that, I was done. I just couldn’t. It was clear that it wasn’t working anymore. I’ll put her rants up here:

i know you will prolly block me after i send this so i thought i would say this in reponce to what u wrote! u proved to me how wrong i was your not a perfect person you just proved how much of an asshole u are. i really did care about you as a person because i thought u were different but your an immature junior boy who is way to into himself and nothing else!

yes you tried to help u get points for that but the biggest thing that never got into ur head is that i am not u i may be going thru the same thing but i wont get out of it the same way because i am not u! this is going to sound hella rude and i dont care but i am happy we are ending it there are so many times u made me feel worse then i was feeling by u just trying to help!! i mean i am happy u no longer going to be in my life! umm i think u partly dragged me down !!

oh and btw i am actually working on my self esteem and confidence i was going to tell u this last night till u turned into a drama queen! but whatever i am not upset i am just being honest with what i think of u as u were with me! and really u need to work on telling people ur feelings sooner so it dose not turn into a drama mess u should learn that i mean this is the 2 goddam time! i regret ever trusting u with anything and i regret ever talking to u! i thought you were a different person then all the other boys in high school but your just as much of an asshole as the rest of them! Goodbye!!!!!!!!

Then she has the audacity to type me another novel to blast me some more:

oh and your niceness is so fake i can see past it now! i see why your friends with a bunch of assholes its because your one of them!! one day you will realize that there is a lot more to life then being a asshole and only caring about yourself and wrestling there was so much i could have said about that but i held back because i did not wanna piss u off!and i still wont say what i think about wresteling.

like idk why ur so chicken to be honest about ur feelings ur such a drama boy but ur also a jerk!! i dont care u dont wanna be friends ur one of the worst friends i have ever had u tryed but u failed and i know this sounds mad but u made me angry but happy at the same time! i am not giving a fuck that were not friends anymore and i dont mean to come off as rude this is the truth! we did not work and all tho i say all this mean stuff i still have the heart to say i wish you the best in life with wereever it may take u! okay bye now!!!!!!!!

The communication here, as you can see, was non-existent. I received these messages after having left to eat for 15 minutes. You could imagine how surprised I was to return to my Facebook inbox for that one. No third chance was given. After that, I cut ties with a ruthlessness that was surprisingly out of character, though I do not regret what I have done in dealing with this situation. Her emotional instability wasn’t something that I could handle myself.

There are just some things that you can’t do.

Day 21: Someone I Judged by Their First Impression

Human beings always judge by their first impressions. Through personal experience, they have a fifty-fifty chance of being correct.

Just today I was in the theatre with my mom and brother, ready to watch Pacific Rim (excellent movie, by the way, go watch it now), and this guy spilled popcorn as his woman was giving him some. I immediately labeled him as the “Popcorn Savage,” even though he didn’t actually commit any savagery in front of me, by any stretch of the imagination. However, it was an amusing label, so I kept it.

The convenience of keeping a label given to an individual was demonstrated humorously in this case, but in our society, we keep them for better or worse… although, for the purpose of self-entertainment, I believe that labeling is okay. Go ahead and look at some zombie in the grocery store next time. Come up with a nickname. Smile to yourself. Then move on. It might just add to your quality of life, for all you know.

Day 20: The One That Broke My Heart the Hardest

Everybody goes through heartbreak in their lives. Though I kinda just wonder if saying, “So and So broke my heart” is actually a correct phrase? Does a person really directly break our hearts or is it something else? I feel like we break our own hearts because we’re the ones who are processing the outside information and we’re the ones who decide to feel heartbroken. It’s a decision, yeah, but it doesn’t feel like it because it’s often subconscious and automatic.

Feeling like a person broke my heart… I don’t know. The idea of it makes me uncomfortable. It seems retaliatory, like I’m trying to blame someone else for my pain. This kind of retaliation is a habit that’s ingrained in us, but I want to go against that, I want to limit that habit that’s so base and limiting. I feel like if I just had those kind of feelings, blamed it on another person, and left it at that, then I wouldn’t learn a lot about myself.

I want to learn about myself as much as possible, before I kick the bucket. And at my death, I’ll find out who I really am.