Day 23: The Person That I Last Kissed

Well that’s awkward, haven’t had my first kiss yet, soooooooo…

Maybe I should rant about being a kiss virgin? Sorry to deprive you of angsty writing, but I don’t really care about being one. It doesn’t really matter to me. One of my friends said to me, “You don’t want to be a kiss virgin when you get into college.” Excuse me? Does it really matter to anyone? Seriously though, I wouldn’t want to just kiss a chick for the sake of not being a kiss virgin.

Everybody wants a kiss from that special someone…

I just happen to be a later bloomer, that’s all.

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Day 22: Someone I Wish I Could Give a Second Chance to

This is an awkward prompt. I feel like if I wanted to give someone a second chance, I would. And the fact that the word “could” is included in that prompt. What exactly would hold me back from giving them a second chance? Someone would have to have grossly transgressed against me to make me think about not giving them a second chance.

There was a girl who I gave a second chance to. However, after that, I was done. I just couldn’t. It was clear that it wasn’t working anymore. I’ll put her rants up here:

i know you will prolly block me after i send this so i thought i would say this in reponce to what u wrote! u proved to me how wrong i was your not a perfect person you just proved how much of an asshole u are. i really did care about you as a person because i thought u were different but your an immature junior boy who is way to into himself and nothing else!

yes you tried to help u get points for that but the biggest thing that never got into ur head is that i am not u i may be going thru the same thing but i wont get out of it the same way because i am not u! this is going to sound hella rude and i dont care but i am happy we are ending it there are so many times u made me feel worse then i was feeling by u just trying to help!! i mean i am happy u no longer going to be in my life! umm i think u partly dragged me down !!

oh and btw i am actually working on my self esteem and confidence i was going to tell u this last night till u turned into a drama queen! but whatever i am not upset i am just being honest with what i think of u as u were with me! and really u need to work on telling people ur feelings sooner so it dose not turn into a drama mess u should learn that i mean this is the 2 goddam time! i regret ever trusting u with anything and i regret ever talking to u! i thought you were a different person then all the other boys in high school but your just as much of an asshole as the rest of them! Goodbye!!!!!!!!

Then she has the audacity to type me another novel to blast me some more:

oh and your niceness is so fake i can see past it now! i see why your friends with a bunch of assholes its because your one of them!! one day you will realize that there is a lot more to life then being a asshole and only caring about yourself and wrestling there was so much i could have said about that but i held back because i did not wanna piss u off!and i still wont say what i think about wresteling.

like idk why ur so chicken to be honest about ur feelings ur such a drama boy but ur also a jerk!! i dont care u dont wanna be friends ur one of the worst friends i have ever had u tryed but u failed and i know this sounds mad but u made me angry but happy at the same time! i am not giving a fuck that were not friends anymore and i dont mean to come off as rude this is the truth! we did not work and all tho i say all this mean stuff i still have the heart to say i wish you the best in life with wereever it may take u! okay bye now!!!!!!!!

The communication here, as you can see, was non-existent. I received these messages after having left to eat for 15 minutes. You could imagine how surprised I was to return to my Facebook inbox for that one. No third chance was given. After that, I cut ties with a ruthlessness that was surprisingly out of character, though I do not regret what I have done in dealing with this situation. Her emotional instability wasn’t something that I could handle myself.

There are just some things that you can’t do.

Day 20: The One That Broke My Heart the Hardest

Everybody goes through heartbreak in their lives. Though I kinda just wonder if saying, “So and So broke my heart” is actually a correct phrase? Does a person really directly break our hearts or is it something else? I feel like we break our own hearts because we’re the ones who are processing the outside information and we’re the ones who decide to feel heartbroken. It’s a decision, yeah, but it doesn’t feel like it because it’s often subconscious and automatic.

Feeling like a person broke my heart… I don’t know. The idea of it makes me uncomfortable. It seems retaliatory, like I’m trying to blame someone else for my pain. This kind of retaliation is a habit that’s ingrained in us, but I want to go against that, I want to limit that habit that’s so base and limiting. I feel like if I just had those kind of feelings, blamed it on another person, and left it at that, then I wouldn’t learn a lot about myself.

I want to learn about myself as much as possible, before I kick the bucket. And at my death, I’ll find out who I really am.

Day 19: Someone That Pesters My Mind

Haha, looks like I’m double posting for this again. I’ve been out all day yesterday, I had a lot of fun!

Well, chicks in general tend to be on my mind a lot. I wonder if it’s because they often share their feelings and problems and guys don’t, really. Seriously though, if a guy’s sharing their problems with you, don’t take it lightly. He’s giving up his pride, hehe. Girls are kind’ve the same, but not really. I mean, don’t take anybody’s problems lightly, but just appreciate the fact that a guy is sharing his life with you.

Fun fact: guys can go years without really knowing anything about each other, but still be really close friends.

So is there one person that’s on my mind a lot? Yeah… but I don’t feel like having to make another protected blog post though (I share links sometimes with friends), so I won’t talk about any one person. I think the main content of this post is in the second paragraph, hahaha. XD

Day 18: The Person That I Wish I Could Be

I want to grow up into a man who has a sense of purpose that is as strong as his character. A man that people can walk away from and think to themselves, “He’s a great guy,” a person who people like being around. A man that doesn’t feel like he has to talk all the time when he’s with his friends, a man that can have fun and enjoy himself in the silence.

I want to grow up as a man who can do things on a regular basis that help people out. They don’t have to be big things, but things that people can appreciate. A man who does the things he does not for glory or for security, but for adventure and for learning.

I don’t have to be the man who always has the answer. I don’t have be the most beautiful, the most useful person to every single person on the planet. I want to live my life, make use of my youth. And if ever my youth disappears, I don’t want to be a burden on those who still have it.

In a nutshell, this is the person that I wish I could be. And I know that this is the person that I can be.

Day 17: Someone From My Childhood

Sorry for the late post guys, but my friend was having trouble. Friends come before writing, you know. I’ll post up 17 and 18 today though. 

Kristian: one of my best friends in elementary school. He was a rough housing kid who loved adventure and trouble. There were a couple times when we got suspended together in elementary school, hehe. Good times. He was a good kid and a good friend, treating me as the best bro ever. 

I’ve drifted away from him though and I haven’t seen or talked to him in years. I kinda wonder what he’s like nowadays. 

Day 16: Someone Not in My State/Country

My internet friend Jenna is in Taiwan. I need to talk to her sometime again. Her English is pretty good, despite it being her second language. Good God, the Taiwanese educational system is brutal. Kids apparently spend good chunks of their lives in school, with school days that are around twelve hours. Luckily, those hours include clubs and stuff, but still… I couldn’t imagine sitting there in my school for that long at all. A part of me would die inside.

Jenna’s a nice girl and she does Model UN. I don’t know much else about her, really. To be honest, we became internet buds as one of our mutual friends was having a mental breakdown, so things were kinda, eh. I’ll talk with her again soon.