Day 20: The One That Broke My Heart the Hardest

Everybody goes through heartbreak in their lives. Though I kinda just wonder if saying, “So and So broke my heart” is actually a correct phrase? Does a person really directly break our hearts or is it something else? I feel like we break our own hearts because we’re the ones who are processing the outside information and we’re the ones who decide to feel heartbroken. It’s a decision, yeah, but it doesn’t feel like it because it’s often subconscious and automatic.

Feeling like a person broke my heart… I don’t know. The idea of it makes me uncomfortable. It seems retaliatory, like I’m trying to blame someone else for my pain. This kind of retaliation is a habit that’s ingrained in us, but I want to go against that, I want to limit that habit that’s so base and limiting. I feel like if I just had those kind of feelings, blamed it on another person, and left it at that, then I wouldn’t learn a lot about myself.

I want to learn about myself as much as possible, before I kick the bucket. And at my death, I’ll find out who I really am.

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