Probably, without a doubt, Christina. She’s always been caring and intelligent. Too bad she had to leave. She has a new life now and she’s happy with it. That part’s not too bad. I just wish that all of her friends haven’t left her to hang up to dry. Including me. The girl has cared a lot for me since the sixth grade. She told me of how she used to be bullied around in elementary school so often. I don’t even remember this, but apparently, a guy threw grapes at her and I stared him down when we were in the sixth grade. She was given hope that somebody could care about her, after all.
“Even when you might have felt alone, I was probably thinking of you.”
And that is exactly how I left her to hang up to dry. At that point in time, I simply couldn’t understand what she felt. I couldn’t even think about what the girl meant to me. Later on, I understood, as I realized that I had a similar figure that I thought about often. It wasn’t that I didn’t care for her; there was a group of misfits that I’d sit with during lunch time and Christina was the glue, the mother figure to all of them, and she was the sole reason why I sat with those people. It wasn’t because I believed that they were bad people to hang out with, I just didn’t feel like it clicked for me. I wanted to talk with her, but you couldn’t hold a serious conversation within that group.
Again, it’s not that I didn’t care, it was because I was incapable of truly understanding, for whatever reason.
This girl deserved better, and she knew it. And she left. At this point, I don’t even know if I’m worthy of talking with her again. But I’ll be damned if I don’t at least try again. I am, after all a different person than I was then.