Stuff My English Teacher Says

NOTE: Language is strong and can come off as gratuitous. Don’t worry though, this guy’s great. Also, most of these are out of context, which will hopefully make these funnier. Enjoy!

“Are you saying he goes to the Devil’s birthday parties?”

“The rhyme scheme is fuckin’ sweet.”

“This is not your fuckin’ eight year old birthday party buddy.”

“There’s some gangster shit in the Old Testament, yo.”

“I don’t want to kill an elephant, like, fuck.”

“Mark Twain didn’t give a shit about Shakespeare, he gave a shit about America.”

“When I say TS, I mean transexual or topic sentence.”

“Tables were once alive and they were killed for our convenience.”

“Is she quoting Shakespeare or something? I don’t fucking know what she’s saying.”

“You double-dippin’ mofo.”

“I got the same exact goddamn same Chanukah present as my brother except my card had ‘Happy Birthday’ on it.”

“Disneyland is for little kids and people who are on really hard drugs.”

“Rafael… the diabetic sugar whore.”

“They are not wussy whores, they are strong whores.”

“You can huff and puff all you want and blow my house down, I don’t care; I got renter’s insurance fool.”

“Paternity tests are in, sir.”

“That’s primarily what life is: the shit-load of little things.”

“That’s me bringing it full-circle, and now time to ride that pony.”

“I’m not awkward, I’m chill.”

“I’d be willing to bet dollars to donuts…”

“I thought you were going to be a wise guy and tell me some planetary shit.”

“Do not slow clap me.”

“Figurative Mars? Are you fuckin’ with me right now?”

“If I was a giraffe, I wouldn’t have sex for pleasure.”

In conclusion, my English teacher is the best and yours could probably suck it, unless you have a collection of random things that they say on a regular basis.


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