“What I have is not a dream, because I will make it a reality.”-Sasuke Uchiha
“It’s almost unbearable, isn’t it… the pain of being all alone. I know that feeling; I’ve been there, in that dark and lonely place, but now there are others, other people who mean a lot to me. I care more about them than I do myself, and I won’t let anyone hurt them. That’s why I’ll never give up. I will stop you, even if I have to kill you! They saved me from myself. They rescued me from my loneliness. They were the first to accept me as who I am. They’re my friends.”-Naruto
My motivation is a mixture of sources. I use both pain and pleasure to guide me. Other people’s pain sometimes become my own and I try to push myself harder. Maybe it’s because I secretly hope that they’ll feel that I’m putting that much more into the world because I know that they hurt. I don’t know.
I was in the library one day and found a folded piece of paper. I found pain. I was confused as to how something like this came into my life (I apologize for the shot, my webcam’s not the best).
One folded column had this short story on the “back”:
“What’s depression like?” he asked her gently. She let her fingers trail over the deep scars on her wrists and said, “It’s like drowning, but you can see everyone else breathing. It sucks, you know. When everything is done fine then, it crashes again. And the worst part is, I really don’t want to try and put it all back together again, but I have to.”
Another column had this poem, which the author titled A Suicide Note:
I had meant to go to bed
but somehow fell into the sea.
The waves cradled me in
And rocked me gently to sleep.
There was also a heavy theme of cutting, which was only lightly touched upon in the first passage I shared. Here are two passages:
I relapsed last night. I cut using a knife and I have never been happier. The voices shut up. Now back to the struggle of recovery.
Scars (n.): the reminders of battles we lost.
Simply put, this was not reading for the faint of heart.
I didn’t understand why the author wrote something like this and simply left the paper on the corner of a library desk. I did not understand why I picked up this piece of paper and pocketed it. I did not understand why I tried so hard to understand it. It was too dark to be a school project… or was it? But nobody would leave their school project, neatly folded, on the corner of a desk and unaccompanied.
I tried assimilating what the author and illustrator felt when they made this piece. By the looks of the writing and the art style, it was probably a chick who made it. I found her pain. Now I will remember it.
Seriously, ever wanted to blow off some steam, but it wasn’t the right time for working out and getting sweaty or all of your music wasn’t doing the soothing trick? Writing about whatever the hell you want is a refreshing experience that can provide the soothing that music can bring and the equivalent of the post-workout satisfaction. Honestly. I don’t think my blog has a specific theme to it, it’s really just a bunch of stuff I feel like writing about. It’s cool to have a theme and all, but being able to put your two cents into everything is a sweet luxury. Especially those two angry cents you might have after a long day in school or in the office.
Writing is a very therapeutic activity. The stress just flows from the fingertips if you’re typing, or from your pen if you’re writing. You’re probably using a pencil right now just to spite me. Or are you an old-fashioned hipster with a feather? Hehe, ANYWAY..
For me, I get to write out all of my anger and my hopeless romanticism. And I still get to go on tangents for various topics. That way, I get to explore my own emotions as well as a topic that I might have thought about for awhile but have never fully investigated. Getting down into different subjects that you might not have any knowledge about also happens to attract other people with more authority than you on that particular subject. Based on my personal experience, if I try something new in terms of expressing thoughts about a subject, I get a swarm of new minds coming in to tell me “No, see, this is how it is,” or “I totally agree because…” I end up getting something fresh, I obtain new perspectives, I get new relationships. It’s really fun! Maybe if you’ve been blogging for a while and haven’t been up to snuff lately or if you’re just a reader, then you should try your hand at pouring your mind out. “Just let it fly,” as Chris Smoove says.
“A soul has never needed a body to connect with others of its kind.”-Anonymous
“After my fall, I got back up after I reached for you.”
It’s funny that the expression “looking up to someone” can apply to people shorter than you.